


Bathroom Talks

by a_pirate_on_the_left



Category: Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)
Genre: Bathroom talk, I mean it's mentioned - Freeform, M/M, Make Up, first time roman and harley meet, joker somehow, takes place before suicide squad, they had a lot of friend potential
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24851986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_pirate_on_the_left/pseuds/a_pirate_on_the_left
Summary: It's the first time the Black Mask Club hosts Harely Quinn and the Joker.Of course Roman HATES them. and yet
Relationships: Roman Sionis/Victor Zsasz
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	Bathroom Talks

The Black Mask Club had a number of bathrooms.  
One for the clients in the main room, the floor sticky and the mirrors made of unbreakable glass, just to be sure nobody gets hurt. The second bathroom is in the second floor where there are private rooms for special guest; in this bathroom the cleaners could either find someone wasted due to too much celebration or a hidden body meaning that the business didn't go well and there was nothing to celebrate.

The third bathroom was behind the stage and was for the stuff. Just behind that there finally is Roman's private bathroom protected by a four digit pin-code. Three people had the password: Roman, Victor of course and the cleaning lady.

Always tidy, the room is also soundproof which is perfect if you have the tendency to be loud in your intimate moments with your bodyguard.

It's also a wonderful place to take a mental break if it happens that your clients are awfully annoying and a few steps above you in the food chain of Gotham's organized crime.

And god if the Joker was awful. Obnoxiously rude,totally insane: somehow that clown got power, fame and an army at his service ready to follow all his orders.  
The man, if Roman could even call him that, with his metal teeth had the worst possible taste in.. well anything. And yet decided he would visit The Black Mask Club that night.

Roman just hoped the Joker would dislike it, the main reason was that in that way Roman would hopefully never meet him again and second if the clown liked the club just a little it meant Roman was aiming at the wrong kind of costumers. He would have to remodel the whole thing, just the thought was exhausting.

It was the second time the Joker showed up at the Club. The first he was with some henchman, they drank, made a huge fuss for something silly like a client looking in their direction and left. Not even Victor dared to say anything.

Roman really hoped he would never see him again, but things never go as one would like, and there the Joker was. To add fuel to the fire he even brought his girlfriend this time. The poor thing had no idea what she got herself into. The organized crime was the last of her problems if _those_ were her tastes.

The king and queen of Gotham loved the free drinks and decided they would spend the night terrorizing the singer. There was no way the lady on the stage would remain after tonight. If she survived. Roman made the mental note to star looking for another singer the next day.

He didn't want to leave the bathroom. Not yet. He couldn't leave the club either. Damn the day he chose this life. That was it. The last night as a club owner, he would have sold everything and left the city- no, the country with Victor. They would live in the coast. Anything to never see greasy green hair again.

Roman observed his tiered reflection in the mirror, put on his best smile and- someone outside tried to enter a password, the keypad beeped wrong. Then another code, wrong again.

Another digit, the door unlocked.

“What is it now Vic-” Roman began only to find Harley Quinn in front of him.

“What are you doing here? How did you get in?” _Fuck!_ he had been too rude, now they were going to shoot him.

“Miss Quinn I-”

“You're a gemini!?” She interrupted him.

“..Yes” _and_ _that's why birth day is not recommended._ Another mental note.

“I knew it! I can always tell!!” Harley cheered.

“I'm trying to fix up this goddamn lipstick” She explained getting closer to the mirror.

“it _NEVER_ remains at its place!!” She added applying a bright red on her lips.

Roman could observe her for the first time under a real light rather than the red ones of the dance room.

“What do ya think 'bout this color? I think it really lights up my skin-tone” she smiled. Maybe it was a trap.

“yeah, it's really beautiful” he did his best to sound convincing.

“Thanks!!” she seemed satisfied “I love your place, ya know? We have so _much_ in common! I feel like we're gonna be great friends!”

_For fuck's sake!_

“If you'd like Miss Qu-”

“SEE!!” Harley screamed looking back at her reflection “It's already smeared!!”

“It's this fucking SKIN!” she punched the wall next to the mirror. After the anger burst Harley stared at him silently, blinking fast.

“I'm sorry.” She whispered “It's this shitty make up..” She threw the lipstick away then sobbed “..it's that Pudding doesn't like it when I don't look good”

Again: for FUCK's sake! They had met 2 hours earlier, why was this crazy woman telling him this stuff. He didn't care about her skin routine and surely he didn't care if her relationship was abusive, it was obvious.

Anyhow it would have been a terrible move to leave her cry in the bathroom, she was insane, he boyfriend was insane if they wanted they could burn his club to the ground and he couldn't have stopped them.

No, he had to fix this situation, well and fast.

These were the times when costumer's satisfaction was the only thing that mattered. Also he had all possible knowledge on make up.

Roman took a deep breath and talked with his most kind voice.

“What is it with your skin? If I may ask.”

“Ya mean why I'm pearly white?” she smiled changing mood again.

“Yes”

“It was the dive in the toxic chemicals of course” Harley sighed nostalgic “when Pudding first showed he loved me too” She raised a hand in Roman's direction.

Roman held her arm, looking up closely her skin. He thought it was make up at first, it wasn't that her skin was more greasy, it just seemed more waterproof-ish than the average human's, if that was possible.

“What you need is powder based products” he explained analytically.

“that's it?”

“It's just an hypotheses” he added hoping that if he was wrong she wouldn't go after him.

“but I don't have it!” she whined,there was nothing she could do to make her boyfriend happy that night,the realization left her speechless, looking up at Roman for answers.

The club owner took another deep breath, of course he had a drawer full of cosmetics in that very bathroom, he just didn't want to share them with the clown.

\--------

Roman had been gone for a good fifteen minutes now. If things could get worst even the clown's girlfriend disappeared, the motherfucker was talking with his henchman but it wouldn't take long before he realized she was gone.

Victor had to risk leaving the room, sure if he didn't check on the guy he could have easily killed everyone there, but if he was successful he would have at least found Roman, and Roman would have told him what to do next.

The bodyguard headed behind the stage, there were literally three places Roman could go when he wasn't in the dance room, the flat - _unlikely when there are such guests,_ the kitchen _-but just if he was hungry, which rarely happened at all,_ and finally the bathroom - _he could spend so much time there if he was either with Victor or waiting for him. But even in this case the timing was shitty._

The private bathroom's door was ajar _weird._

“Ya know ya can push harder. I wont break” the Joker's girlfriend said from behind the door.

“You just need to stay still” Roman's voice answered.

Something heavy settled in Victor's stomach, squeezing and twisting. He would have killed that bitch. If he was fast enough he could have killed the Joker too at this point, or try at least since he was surely going to kill him after his girlfriend's murder.

“Ya're very good at this” her voice sounded again in Victor's ears.

“I'm gonna tell Pudding how nice ya've been tonight, I'm sur-”

“Don't!” Roman interrupted her. “I mean, we should keep this between us. And never tell _anyone._ Ever.”

“Like a secret?”

“Exactly:like a secret” Roman confirmed.

“I love secre- Ah! You're making me ticklish!” she giggled.

Too much.

Victor knew that if Roman was doing _something_ with that clown it wasn't his place to question it.

If he needed a woman, from time to time, Victor wasn't jealous, Roman was a free man, but the fucking clown's woman? Why? Oh! Maybe it was all part of a bigger plan. Roman needed to get close with the bitch to kill the piece of shit in the other room. That was it. That was the only possible answer.

“'kay, we're almost over”

He should have left Roman deal with that business and go back keeping an eye on the joker.

And yet he pushed open the door.

At first he wasn't sure of what he saw. Harley Quinn was sitting on the sink while Roman was.. What was Roman doing exactly? He was holding her face gently with one hand. He had something in the other hand. But Victor didn't bother to check what it was.

“Ya can't stay here! It's a secret!” Harley laughed.

Roman looked at him silently. Victor was frozen in place, staring back at his boss, his lover.

“Zsasz can stay. He's the best secret keeper in town. Also you need a third opinion” The club owner stated.

“Are we done?” Harley asked Roman, he simply nodded.

“So Zsasz..”

Although they were both still dressed Victor wasn't sure what topic needed his opinion. _Roman's hands? Maybe his mouth, his voice, his-_

“What do ya think bout my make up?” She questioned happily.

_Make up?_ Victor looked at Roman once again, he opened his eyes wide staring intensely at the woman in the room.

“You look very ..beautiful” the bodyguard finally managed.

“Thanks!” the clown answered with a big smile, she almost seemed moved.

“I think your boyfriend is missing you” Zsasz added before losing her attention.

“Pudding misses me?”

Victor didn't get to nod, she was already gone.

Finally he noticed the make up products spreading around the sink. He walked towards Roman fast.

“You have no ide-” Roman began but Victor's lips were already pushing on his mouth. The bodyguard deepened the kiss possessively.

God he wanted Roman, and he wanted him now. Just the thought of not belonging exclusively to each other made him want to kill every single person in the world, so they would remain alone, just the two of them forever.

Victor knelt, undoing Roman's belt.

“Nononono! Victor. Stop.” Roman ordered.

Victor didn't stop. His boss had to pull his hair to force him.

“I said stop.”

Victor's heartbreak must have been obvious on his expression cause Roman caught on it.

“Don't do that face. We have Mister and Miss Psychopath out there, we can't stay here playing” he said kindly.

“When they leave. And trust me there's nothing I want more.”

\-----------

The clowns remained less than an hour but for anyone else around them it lasted like a week.

Roman's fake praises on the penguin's night club worked cause suddenly Harley Quinn proposed to move the party there.

The Black Mask closed immediately after they left.

The stuff received am extra in the paycheck and like Roman had foreseen the singer resigned. He had nothing to object. She was right, and more surprisingly alive.

  
Roman could count on his fingers the times when Victor had needed reassurance or comfort, he was lovely and softer than Roman had ever seen him in those moments.

Alone in the flat Victor rested his head on Roman's shoulder blade, hugging him from behind.

“What did she want?” Victor finally managed the courage to ask.

“Make up advise, her skin condition is.. well fucking weird” Roman explained.

“Only that?” the bodyguard inquired again. Then Roman understood the real question.

“baby, you know I've got only you.” Roman whispered “With that clown even? I have standards”

“I'm sorry boss” Victor mumbled.

“It's okay. I wish we never see them again too.”

“Let me make you feel better” Roman added seductively leading Victor towards the bedroom.

A different thought crossed Roman's mind like a lighting on a clear sky.

“Babe, another thing”

Victor stared at him, waiting.

“You know when I tell you that you have an awful taste in clothing and style I-I don't mean you have to dress..I mean you can come to work or ..here, dressed like you want. I prefer you in order. But you don't have to if you don't want. Do you understand what I mean?”

“Yeah, I guess”

“I want you to be you. You still have to shower once a day if you want to live here, but I want the _real_ you.”

“I am me” Victor answered.

Roman kissed him. A weight leaving his shoulders.

**Author's Note:**

> I remember that suicide squad existed and rewatched Harley and the Joker scenes (becuase i'm a masochist apparently) and their abusive relationship hit me in the face and then I remembered that after suicide squad people were like 'harley and the j*ker? #reletionshipGoals' fuck if they're NOT anything to aspire. also someone on tumblr pointed out that Roman and Victor relationship mirrored harley and jok*r since it was toxic.  
> Sure as hell Roman has a lot of power over Victor and they are not the healthiest couple out there. But they're not as toxic as the clowns.  
> I mean Sionis (the villain) treated better harley while she was tied to a chair than the j*oker in the entire movie where he was supposed to be her love interest.  
> I basically wrote this fic to prove it.  
> Ok i'm done venting.
> 
> Anyway thanks for reading!!
> 
> oh and Roman Sionis is a gemini and you can fight me about it


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